离开旧爱

Klein sees idealization in the paranoid-schizoid position as the universal problem. Some people still operate unconsciously within the confinement of a world where they are able to relate to other people only through idealizing or denigrating them. The idealization of someone else, as with the mother, inevitably involves a parallel idealization of the self; it enables those who idealize to fill themselves up with a good reflection of the self. (This is close to what Freud describes as narcissism – falling in love with one’s own reflection in the ‘other’).

The problem is that, under the weight of reality, this idealization must collapse and both he lover and he self are then perceived without thee rosy tint of the ‘good’ phantasy. The previously idealized person, perhaps perceived as the ‘perfect partner’, is now likely to be experienced as totally bad.

An internal bad object is substituted for the internal good object and the identity of the one who idealizes suddenly feels terrifyingly precarious. This could explain those people who, unable to sustain a relationship after the phase of idealization has broken down, compulsively move from one relationship to another in search of their identity.

Sometimes he previously idealized person is subsequently experienced as a hated persecutor, which indicated the origin of persecution in idealization. The subject now projects all his or her envy and hostility onto someone who was formerly his or her ideal self, the apple (breast) or his or her eye.

For such people, love and hate have never been sufficiently integrated unconsciously in the depressive position to allow for the acceptance of the reality that good and bad qualities exist together in the same person.

Others cannot be experienced with love and generosity for what they are because primitive phantasies of good and evil make idealization and denigration the only possible emotional stances.

When we lose someone, and feel angry towards hem for having left us, we have to face both their loss in external reality, but also the loss of the good object in our internal world.


书上辛辛苦苦抄的，可以比较好解释人为何不能忘情
抄在这，给大家无聊时看

离开旧爱时是好好辛苦的
就算身边又有一个他/她，有时也无事于补，有时真的也是对后来的这个他/她一种伤害

其实，放掉一段爱情，容易
放掉一种习惯，才难

你已习惯他/她在你身边了吧？
一种熟悉的不能再熟悉的习惯

在和旧爱没有彻底了断时，开始下一段，一定苦痛，一定藏下了危机的种子
如若你和你新欢都是聪明人，那恐怕，一切可以扶平，生活从此美丽
如若，你们中有一个人足够笨，那一定要命
等着吧，等等看是，天翻地覆，还是又一次情殇

用新伤盖旧伤，伤好不了！

但这人生，痛一点也不要怕！
了不起，再买醉一次！

要相信自己一定会有美满生命，
要坚信自己肯定可以拥有丰盈的婚姻

壁人一对！和如琴瑟！